Anti-blogging

I’ve been think about starting a non-public section of this blog where I would share more personal information, pictures, and some of my more snarky opinions. Access would be given on an individual basis to people I know personally. Do any of you have an opinion on that idea?

Expat sum-up

This trip to the US had some real surprises for me. I had thought about tracking how I was reacting to America each day of the trip. However, the whole daily blogging thing got derailed fairly quickly. Instead, I’ve tossed together a kind of retrospective graph showing my desire (on a 1-10 scale) of moving back.



At the start of things, I wasn’t really that hot on the idea of moving back. That started to change toward the end of the first week, based on several key circumstances:

1. Spending time with my sister and her new husband
2. Seeing the kind of life I would likely have if I went back
3. Shellie
4. Reconnecting with all the family on my father's side
   

The first one is obvious, so I won’t go into that. The second one refers to me scouting out what it would be like if we moved back to Charlotte. Positive things included grass for Stella to play on, neighborhoods with happy children, and how generally easy it was to get things done. The incessant driving culture was a clear negative.

The third one needs a bit more explination. Shellie is a close friend of Terra’s who gave some hercluean efforts in keeping things going with the wedding arrangements. Two main things really impressed me about her life. First, they were a great demo of what I would want my family to be like if we moved back. Her family is about the same size as mine, her husband’s career is very similar to mine, and she has a really great life. Not Norman Rockwell perfect, but warts and all, a great thing. Except for the dog, that definitely has to go. Second, Shellie and her husband have really been going the extra mile to help out Terra and her husband through the whole dating and getting married process. That’s really nice of her, except for one thing.

That’s my job.

Shellie, you’re great, but I have to kill you now. No offense?

So anyway, Shelllie is personally responsible for the peak at day 8.

Things started to taper off again when I really started thinking about what it would be like several years down the road if we moved back. Would I start to find it boring after the first ~8 months? Would I start missing the international life? What if three months after moving there Terra’s new husband decided that he hated my kids for being the fantastic people they are and there was some big row?

Incidentally, we get that a lot. My kids are cuter, smarter, and more articulate that everyone else’s on the planet. Most people who meet them just decide to give up and not bother having children since they can’t possibly compete with mine. It’s a serious risk, but I digress.

These questions didn’t take the Moving Desirability index back down to 0, but it did take a hit. For the rest of the week, when I was spending time with the rest of my family, the index started to rise again. It peaked after my visit to some long-time friends in my hometown. By the end of the second week, it was back up into the plane ticket buying range.

This was cured by actually getting on a plane and reminding myself of how much I hate flying across the planet.

Days 15-17 consist of my gradually adjusting time zones, sleeping schedules, and telling Mary Ann all the stories of what happened during my trip. I finally finished up with this on day 18. Since that time, Mary Ann has put about 80% of her votes behind returning to the States. I’ll invite her to add her thoughts into the comments section if she wants to.

So, that’s how the visit impacted my views on future plans. I’ll be interested to see how things pan out as I get a little more established back into my life here. I’m planning on a nice excursion to Saida this weekend to try and get back into the Lebanese swing of things.

We’ll see.

Finally!

The weather in Beirut is cold enough that I can walk to work without needing to change out of a t-shirt when I arrive.

On the other hand, my now useless folding technique for getting a dress shirt to survive for 30 minutes in a backpack might earn me a patent.

#1 Quote

Today is my first day back at work, and the most frequent (non-work related) remark I have heard is:

"You look younger!"

Back in Beirut

It was a long flight, but fairly anti-climactic. I'm back, the luggage seems to have survived, and it's time to go fall into bed.

Bonding

After the wedding, we went to a baby shower for one of my sisters. In between all the gift opening and girly stuff, my niece and I hung out in the back yard making lion noises.

Nooooooo

Now that I've been consorting with family and friends back in the homeland, I've noticed some Soutern accent tinges creeping into my speech. I find this odd since I lived there for 10 years without any issues. Weird.

Frolicking

I've had a full day of fun and excitement in the great land of the US, but not a whole lot of time for pithy and enlightening posting. So, I've compromised by taking pictures of things I thought were interesting.



This display area was in the lobby of my sister's new apartment complex. I find the one lonely little cookie strangely amusing.



One dramatic change to the American scene since my last visit is the number of flags. There seems to have been a real merchandizing of the patriotism concept. A close second to the number of flags that have sprouted up are the number of eagle images.



Apparently, my soon to be brother in law has a thing for eagles, and has them all over the place. This is the top of his bookcase. The nice thing about letting picture speak for themselves, is that I can't get in trouble for what commentary I add =)

Update

I've arrived in America, and things are going well. I expect to be able to post a decent sized item soon, but for now, here is the quote of the day from my sister:

"I hate this apartment with a deep and abiding passion that transcends the ages."

Yup, this is my family =)

Salmon

In just two short hours, I'm off to the Land of the Free and the Home of the Brave for two weeks. I wonder how much it has changed since my last trip...

Mary Ann and the girls will be staying back in Beirut, which I don't like at all. This will be the longest I have been away since we had kids. I'll probably be going nuts by the second day.

Anyway, got to go pack.

Better at math than language apparently

I went to the bank yesterday, only to be faced with this mind-bender from their rack of pamphlets:



What does this even mean?

Mary Ann suggested they were renting out a time machine so you could go back to the moment of your conception and break things up. On the other hand, maybe they have stepped up their campaign of annoying their customers through bad service to now include actively promoting the elimination of their customers.

In any case, we can clearly see from the picture that the product is obviously aimed at the huge and thriving market of Lebanese families adopting Irish babies.

Anyway, here is the Arabic side of the flier. Maybe someone who speaks Arabic could offer a clue as to how the translation went so badly.

Foreigners are so demanding

Foreign Students in Russia: “Stop Killing Us”

Stupid foreigners coming into the country with all their crazy demands. Honestly, I don’t know why Russia puts up with this sort of complaining.

Ungrateful little weasels marching around with slogans like:

“Stop Killing Us”
“Let Us Live”
“We Want to Live”

Honestly! Who do they think they are?

Fortunately, the mayor was on the case, confidently reassuring the protestors:

“Students have been killed and will be killed. We are trying hard, but there isn’t much we can do about it…”

Useful, yet not overtly geeky

I’ve decided that I need to buy a watch. Generally speaking, I hate watches, rings and so forth, but there’s a little problem. Mary Ann is getting a bit tired of me asking her what time it is.

The problem is that while I’m at work, I can just look at my computer if I want to know the time. This is quite convenient as I am generally looking at the computer anyway, so I just have to divert my eyes about 3 degrees downward. That’s the kind of effort I think is appropriate for finding out what time it is.

Somewhat inconveniently for both of us, when I am not around a computer, I am generally around Mary Ann. As she already owns a watch, she then inheirits the time-announcer functions.

All this brings me around to the watch-buying project. I think I’m leaning toward the one on the left. What do you folks think?

Interesting times

All right, so I haven’t been blogging a whole lot lately. Lest you think I am loosing bloggish steam, let me assure you that I’m not. It’s just that the most interesting things going on in my life are all un-bloggable. Loads of interesting stuff at work, etc. etc. Unfortunately, I can’t really comment on the security measures, other than to say that I’m quite positively impressed.

Along those lines, I would like to announce that I have solved Lebanon’s electricity problems. With the upcoming UN report into Hariri’s assisnation, pretty much everyone I’ve talked to in this country is wired out of their minds with stress. All we need to do organize teams of these people to take turns sticking a power cable in their mouths to put all this extra energy into the power grid.

Voila!

Endless and abundant electricity created out of cheap and widely available anxiety.

What a sense of humor!

In the computer world, there’s a lot of chatter these days on whether or not the US should continue to administer the Internet, or whether or not it should be done by an international organization (presumably the UN). It’s a contentious issue, because it involves some complex technological issues as well as the diplomatic ones. Fortunately, we citizens of the world can turn to that fair and balanced source of truth, The Guardian, which offers this insight:

It will be officially raised at a UN summit of world leaders next month and, faced with international consensus, there is little the US government can do but acquiesce.

Hahahahahaha!

That’s a good one.

I wonder if anyone over at the Guardian has actually been reading the news for the last couple of years.

Fortunately, there is a kernel of truth from one of the experts quoted in the article:

"The idea of the council is so vague. It's not clear to me that governments know what to do about anything at this stage apart from get in the way of things that other people do."

Oh, so very true.

Discovery

One of the neat things about being a parent is seeing your kids experience and understand things for the first time. Along those lines, Stella had a eureka experience on Friday, when she discovered that if she plays around in the bathtub for too long, her fingertips get all shrively. At first she was very concerned about this effect, but after a lecture on hydrological qualities of the epidermis, she calmed right down.

Going Round the Twist

I’ve held off posting this content for the last week because I’ve realized that is really isn’t all that ground-breaking. It’s a pretty clear disillusionment cycle kind of thing. On the other hand, it goes a long way to describing why I don’t really agree with people processing through stages 1-3, which amounts to about 95% of people out there.

The process constitutes the following phases:

American is Best

This is the flag-waving, unquestioning acceptance that America is the most splendiferous country in the world. This tends to be the default self-perception of most Americans.

What do you mean we’re not the best?

For whatever reason, a closer examination of the facts puts some blots on the snazzy picture. Maybe a lot of blots. For me, this phase happened when I lived in France and spent many an enchanting hour debating/defending the relative merits of America. To an unfortunately large extent, I drank the Kool-aid.

America sucks

For some reason, an enormous number of phase 2 Americans get stuck in this phase. To some degree I think it becomes fashionable to show off how much you think America sucks, because the more critical you are, the more enlightened you are. A friend of mine referred to this in hindsight as his ‘Euro-snob phase’. For me, this culminated in doing extensive research on giving up my American citizenship. Highly stupid.

Hey wait, America is kind of good.

Hmmm, maybe America is the best, but then again, maybe not. A lot depends on how you measure it. I don’t often agree with Paul Krugman, but he has made a good point about comparisons between American and European systems. If you want a lavish social safety net and an inert foreign policy you aren’t likely to be happy with America.

Personally, this whole process has ended up with what I believe to be a much more balanced view of America. There are so many good things about America and American culture that I didn’t appreciate until I was better able to contrast them with other systems.

Whether you ultimately like or dislike America, one thing is true. No other country in the world has a greater ability to transform this planet or a greater potential for good.

Because Mao likes cats

I know I really shouldn’t be finding happiness in this sort of story, but how can I not smile at writing like this:

Regarded as symbols of bourgeois decadence during the Mao era and only fit for the dinner table, dogs have become increasingly fashionable as pets in China in recent years.

I think all despotic regimes should have at least one item in their political platform that is both condemned and edible at the same time. On the other hand, clubbing dogs to death in front of their owners in the middle of the street strikes me as a bit much. Couldn’t they at least be sent to doggy forced labor camps, or trained as a special K9 brigade of the Red Guard? Perhaps used to invade Taiwan…

Tweak

For some reason or another, I have a muscle spasm in my left eyebrow. This is giving me that sexy deranged look that’s so popular in professional circles.

Maybe I should just tell people that it’s a side effect of reading the news too much.

What would the world do without Mormons?

First, it was Philo Farnsworth inventing the television. Now, it’s Lynn Ogden inventing carbonated yogurt.

Glerb

This has been the week of death for electronics in our house. It started off with Stella accidentally pouring water on my cell phone. The, the video camera’s motor went bad. The computer keeps getting progressively more and more flaky with each passing week. I think it’s building up to the grand finale when the warranty expires in a few weeks. Further, the door that holds the batteries in the still camera has almost completely broken off, so that’s just a matter of time.

The Amish lifestyle is starting to look appealing.

Way with words

One of the benefits of working in this particular region is the charming way in which the governmental officials speak to each other. How about this little gem from the Iraqi Interior Minister:

Iraq will not accept "a Bedouin on a camel teaching us about human rights and democracy."

Oh really?

Perhaps you might prefer a Texan in a helicopter...



Some other choice snippets:

"Let them give the right to their women to at least drive cars. Their women are deprived of their rights while the women in our country are equal to men."

He also called the Saudis "tyrants who think they are king and God, and they name their countries after their families."

Review of The Last Star Fighter

Can’t say I’d recommend The Last Starfighter. Are you shocked? Does it surprise you? I can’t help but dissect movies the way I would a book or a painting or a symphony. The best examples of all of these are the ones that give me something to work with. Starfighter didn’t.

I can, however, praise the film on two counts. That’s right. I found two things to appreciate.

1. The beginning really had me going. Despite some mediocre performances by the leads, I really was interested in this young man’s future. I was engaged in the story all the way up until the Ferrari-minivan showed up.

2. Costumes were dead-on right. The good guys wear matte finish suits with nice contrasting color details to let you know that they have souls and depth. Plus, they look vaguely human which curries our sympathy all the more. Not the bad guys. Their glossy, solid color (orange--ewww) uniforms give them all the personality of a storm trooper, and about that much individuality. They drool, ooze, and are otherwise repulsive. The evil villainous traitor wears black eyeliner. Eyeliner on men = evildoer, which is simple enough.

Here’s a plot summary:
Teenager dreams of getting out of his trailer park and doing something with his life, but spends all his time playing video games (and is therefore really good at it). One day, a stranger lures him into his Ferrari-minivan and informs him that the video game was designed to locate gifted intergalactic warriors, and whisks him off to the join the fray. Said teenager isn’t sure that is what he wants to do with his life, and while he is having second thoughts back on Earth, the intergalactic elite are massacred in one fell swoop. It then becomes clear that if the galaxy is to remain free for democracy our hero must rise to the occasion and fight the entire enemy fleet single-handedly. Upon saving the galaxy, he returns to his trailer park, triumphant, to say good bye to mom, and pick up his girlfriend. They return to distant worlds to devote their lives to restoring the defenses of the good guys.

--Mary Ann

Something more important

I know you are all desperate to hear the second installment of my diatribe on (anti)American culture, but you’re just going to have to wait a bit. Something far more critical has come up.

While planning how we would spend our rocking Friday night, it came to my attention that Mary Ann has never seen The Last Starfighter. Being the good sport that she is, we have contributed a few bucks to the Lebanese video rental industry and are well on our way.

Furthermore, she has also accepted my invitation provide us all with a review of the movie after she is done.

The world awaits…

It’s so nice to be loved.

Good Luck Karen

Unless it is something funny, or something I really feel passionate about, I try to avoid political posts. Today’s subject drifts dangerously close to politics, but I’d actually like to wrestle it over into the area of culture. Specifically, American culture.

For the last few days, Karen Hughes has been visiting various folks in the Middle East doing PR for the United States. From what I’ve seen, she is coming up against many of the disconnects and misperceptions that contribute to present state of affairs. Generally speaking, she seems to be handling things quite well.

There are a whole host of interesting issues that could be dealt with here, but I’d like to focus on a comment made by Steven Weisman in his recent write-up for the NY Times.

Many in this region say they resent the American assumption that, given the chance, everyone would live like Americans.

It isn’t just this region. From my personal experience, it applies equally well to Germany, Austria, France and Russia. Even people who have very positive opinions about America don’t necessarily want to live like Americans. In the case of Europe, the majority chooses to pay high taxes for a large and paternalistic government.

This is generally the point where I’m suppose to enlighten you all on how much America sucks and how you poor products of the inferior American education system just don’t understand. However, I’m not going to do that.

Instead, I’m going to radically change the subject to anti-American snobbery. As this post is quickly getting too long for an enjoyable read, I will defer this next installment to a future post. Tune in next time for my theory on American self-perception that I call:

"Going Round the Twist"

I have an announcement to make

I was rained on today.

While this might not be considered a significant event to all those of you who don’t live in Lebanon, it’s pretty noteworthy out here. This is the first time it has rained here since one brief spattering in July. Thus ends the longest rain-free stretch in my life to date.

I blame the vast, right-wing cabal of Zionist, infidel, Christian, Republicans and their evil leader, Ralph Nader.

When in the course of human events…

…the British go completely out of their minds.

No wonder we dumped their tea overboard. Sheesh.

Learn something new every day

I had no idea that suctorial was a real word.

Adaptation II

It was a dark and stormy night…

Well, it was dark anyway. It was around 9pm and a friend and I were headed down an apartment stairwell when the power went out. I was a bit taken aback by this, because there was absolutely no way to see the stairs.

That’s when I learned a little Lebanese trick. My friend whipped out his cell phone and pushed a button so the display would light up. It wasn’t much, but it was definitely enough to see the stairs and get out without any problems.

The downside of this is that my enjoyment of StarTrek has been marginally decreased. Now, whenever a distraught starship captain barks out an order for “Emergency Lights!”, I’m going to visualize the deck crew whipping out their cell phones for a Nokia powered solution.